The Best Nursing...

          It was an exceptionally busy day, as I remember, and one of my six patients’ was confused.  He was dying and as he got closer he began trying to climb out of the bed every few minutes.  I couldn’t get anything done and my frustration was going through the roof.  In a moment of desperation I asked him if  he would feel better if I held his hand.  I didn’t expect him to respond because he was so confused, but he did, saying to me,  “You don’t have time for that!”  

       I looked at him and said, “Of course I do.” but was thinking, "You’re right, I don’t have time for this!" 

        I held his hand silently for several minutes, the entire time thinking how late I was going to have to stay to catch up because of this waste of my valuable time.  After ten to fifteen minutes of standing at his bedside rubbing his hand and his shoulder, squandering my time with a guy who probably didn’t even know I was still standing there, he looked up at me as large crocodile tears welled up in the corners of his eyes and began sliding slowly down his cheeks and he asked me, “Do you have any kids?” 

           I stared at him completely caught off guard by the lucid question and his eyes staring straight into my eyes.  I swallowed hard and nodded my head, unable to answer him verbally.  “I’m sure gonna miss my kids.” he confided to me.

           I squeezed his hand and rubbed his shoulder standing there a few more minutes until he dozed off to sleep.  He never woke again and died about an hour and a half later.  His kids had just arrived from out of state a few minutes before he died.   I told them about how his thoughts were only of them and what he’d said to me.  After he passed, they hugged me and thanked me for being such a “special nurse” and I remember I feeling small because of what my thoughts had been, but I had learned and invaluable lesson.  The best nursing care of my life had nothing to do with any skill I had learned, it was simply taking the time to hold a hand.

She's my Air

I am but a shadow cast down by her light

A bridge across an ocean, a runway for her flight

Footlights gaze upon her as she breaks their hearts of stone

Curtain calls, one final bow, how they want her for their own

Her grace holds them spellbound as does her subtle charm

Enviously they watch me as she takes my arm

Entrusted with an angel, privileged with her care

Without her I would die, for she is my air

Mystery shrouds the gaze of her encompassing eyes

They penetrate my conscience, her tears can make me cry

Against the opposition her defense is my retreat

It’s perplexing one so soft could be the mainstay for my feet

Unwavering is the bond that grasps my heart and soul

For only once will we be lucky to find the half that makes us whole

I send my thanks to Heaven upon a bended knee

As I watch her gently sleeping, I pray that I’ll fulfill her dreams

Dandelions

When I held you in my arms that day, you looked into my eyes
I prayed this was the right move and then I said goodbye
A day hasn’t gone by since when I didn’t think of you
And wonder how you’re doing, No, I’ve never forgotten you.
The softness of your cheeks, the way you wiggled your toes,
If you could read my mind, then you would surely know,
That I’ve carried you inside me, not for months, but now for years
And I’ve loved you for my lifetime but, I’ve wiped away my tears.
I’m comforted by knowing you’re someone else’s precious child,
But if you think I took this lightly step in my shoes for a while
For it was so hard knowing if I’d done the right thing
Knowing someone else would get the dandelions you’d pick each spring.
So if I never get to see you in this lifetime again,
I hope we’ll meet in Heaven and that we can be friends.
By Mardi Sauve
Copyright 1998

"Shimmer"

Far off in the distance was a glistening shimmer

So faint I nearly missed this flash of light

I watched in disbelief as it flickered like a candle

Dancing in the dark of a pitch black night

I swayed silently and listened as if I’d hear a secret

But it was destined to remain a mystery

The mesmerizing brilliance, what was it that I'd witnessed

As I’d held my breath in awestruck reverie

The clouds so slightly shifted and moonlight lit the shadows

Peeking through the branches of the trees

The frosted ice coating, like a crystal’s luster

Will thaw and vanish just as rapidly

So I let myself linger to savor one more second

I wished had not gone by so hastily

How would I share this moment, capturing its magic

I’d been blessed to witness momentarily

As my warm breath drifted upward, I watched it float so slowly

The hazy fog lingered in midair

Indelibly imprinted, these moments I’d remember

Each an answer to a long forgotten prayer

We’re all stumbling through the motions, groping in the darkness

When life’s misfortunes can seem to block out all the light

But then sometimes there’s a shimmer flickering in the distance

That helps us believe somehow we’ll be alright

M&M's

My friend Lenny, who died in 2003, was a unique person.  This is one of the many funny true stories.  Lenny had recently had surgery for colon cancer which  removed a large section of the colon.  When they do this they place a tube called an NG tube in the nose. The tube suctions from the stomach and is snaked down the nose, throat and to the stomach.  It is connected to the nose with a sticky tape to hold it in place. The tube keeps everything out of the bowel so it can heal. Of course it goes without saying you are instructed not to eat or drink with this tube in place.

For those of you who didn't know Lenny, he taught guitar and had many students. One of the students brought a bag of M&M's to him in the hospital immediately after he'd surgery. I didn't think much of it and I left them at the bedside. I didn't take them because I assumed he'd be sharing them with students and nurses but, it didn't cross my mind he might eat them. But, Lenny had suffered a brain aneurysm years before which affected his reasoning, to what I believed to be comparable with a young teenager's reasoning and perhaps it should have crossed my mind because....

I walked into his room later noticing he looked stunned to see me, his eyes appeared like they'd popped out of his head then he quickly began sifting though the bed sheets with his hands. I wandered up to the bed watching him but I didn't know what he was looking for.  I laid my hands on the sheets and I started sifting through them too as I asked, "What are you looking for?"

Lenny stopped looking through the sheets IMMEDIATELY and said "Nothing!" as his head up tipped up.   On the end of his nose, stuck to the tape was a green M&M. 
My mouth dropped open, I stared at him for a second then sternly asked, "Have you been eating M&M's?"

His mouth dropped open in stunned shock as he tried desperately to appear casual.  He scanned the tubing.  His neck craned around trying to just glance back to the jar on the wall.  After he scanned it for a moment he quickly looked back at me ans said defiantly. "NO!"

Very slowly I asked ..."You're ... sure ....you haven't eaten ...any M&M's?" as my head was slowly rocking side to side, my eyes raised in question while staring at the M&M hanging off the tape at the end his nose, biting my lip trying not to burst out laughing.

His eyes shifted back to the tube as he again slowly scanned the tubing and this time stared at the container on the wall to assure himself that there were no M&M's in it. He whipped his head back at me with a look that almost screamed  "How in the Hell does she know?" Then said, "No," adding in an offended tone, "I can't believe you'd even ask me that!" .

I burst out laughing and snatched the M&M off his nose and asked, "Then what the Hell is this?"

He looked as though he'd swallowed his tongue. He inhaled as he stared in disbelief at the M^M and grinned  his infamous grin, completely busted.

Saphire nights

I hope you liked it. I also wrote the poem below. I hope you enjoy  Saphire Nights.
Sapphire Nights

When angels kissed the sunset ignighting a hue the depths of the ocean or Heaven's purest blue and somehow it glistened inside your eyes, it was breathtaking to see, like a sapphire night.
If I would remember just to let you know how much I love you, but I thought it showed.
Haven't I failed you for not saying those words, for not screaming I LOVE YOU so all could have heard?
So fumbling now, I'll endeavor to try to speak eloquently of what's on my mind
for I never knew passion until it consumed my soul. I took all I could, for the first time I stole
but I offered my heart as an act of contrition for all that I'm not knowing I only have vision
to see something precious in your every breath, to know that I'd love you 'til the day of my death
and longer, forever, if only I might wish for days of your sunshine and your sapphire nights

A Little Break

I wrote this poem after sitting all day long next to a co-worker who chewed ice.  I came home and sat down and wrote this.  I showed it to the other girls I worked with, who then submitted it to a radio contest on writing poems related to work.  My poem won the contest and subsequently was read on the air.  I didn't know they had done this and when I showed up to work the next day my co-worker said, "Was that poem about me?"  I just stood there smiling and I nodded my head.  She and I ended up being good friends.  Hope you enjoy it.

A Little Break

I’ve been fidgeting in my seat, clicking on my pen,
I have to get to work and get back on track again.
I’ve been watching the calendar, watching the clock
I had to get up from my desk and go out for a walk,
‘cause I’d been staring at the wall, I thought, how long did I do that?
My mind just took a break, while my body here it sat.
The one on my right has been crunching on her ice,
I may have to see a shrink and get some good advice.
The noise annoys me so, it gets into my brain,
it’s driving me crazy, so I calmly tried to explain.
Well, SO I WASN'T CALM how would you have been?!
That's when I was told, my boss had called me in!
I said, “I’m under stress!” I cried, I made a scene.
She said it was alright. She wasn’t even mean.
She said, “Take time off” It would be okay,
this time was just for fun and I’d still get my pay!
That’s when I blinked my eyes and felt a little shake,
The ice cruncher on my right said, “Hey, are you awake?”
I said, “Of course I am, my mind just went berserk.
I’m trying to do my job, so let’s get back to work!”
By Mardi Sauve copyright 1996